Different Bumps in the Road: The Emotional Dynamics of Couple Disagreements in Belgium and Japan

In the present study, we propose that the emotional “bumps” that couples experience during relationship disagreements differ systematically among cultures. We predicted that self-assertive emotions such as anger or strength play a central role in Belgium, where they are instrumental for relational independence. In comparison, other-focused emotions such as shame or empathy for the partner should play a central role in Japan, where they support relational interdependence. Romantic couples from Belgium (n = 58) and Japan (n = 80) discussed relationship disagreements in the lab, which were video-recorded. After the interaction, participants separately rated their emotional experience during video-mediated recall. We identified the emotions that played a central role during the interactions in terms of attractors; these are the emotions around which couples stabilize and that likely play a central role in realizing different relationship ideals. In line with our predictions, attractors reflected states of the interpersonal emotional system that support independence in Belgium (e.g., angry or strong feelings) and interdependence (e.g., empathy) in Japan. Moreover, we found that—at least in Belgium—having more culturally typical interactions was associated with a stronger endorsement of culturally valued relationship ideals and, in turn, better relational functioning.