The Friendzone: Real and imagined dynamics of romantic rejection in cross-sex friendships

Cross-sex friendships are historically novel and consequently less well understood than same-sex friendships, both by society and the individuals within them. When these friendships are between heterosexual men and women, romantic interest is a frequent challenge. One manifestation of this challenge is the friendzone, that is, romantic interest within a cross-sex friendship that is rejected by the cross-sex friend, which has become increasingly salient in public awareness in the past three decades. Online discourse on the friendzone tends to describe it as gendered: women are portrayed as the friendzoners (i.e., those who friendzone) and men as the friendzonees (i.e., those who get friendzoned). This gendered conceptualisation of the friendzone has been noted by feminist critics who have connected the friendzone construct to sexism, misogyny, and rape culture. However, so far, no empirical research has investigated the commonness of heterosexual friendzone experiences, the perceptions of the friendzone and whether beliefs about the friendzone are associated with sexist or antifeminist ideology. This thesis presents seven studies that investigate friendzone experiences among heterosexual men and women, general perceptions of the friendzone, and associations with sexist ideologies, specifically ambivalent sexism and rape myth acceptance. Findings from these studies suggest that (a) the friendzone is experienced as gendered with men reporting more experiences as friendzonees and women as friendzoners; (b) perceptions of the friendzone are also gendered; (c) the belief that women are predominantly the friendzoners and men the friendzonees in cross-sex friendships is not reliably associated with sexist ideology; (d) though not associated with individual differences in sexism, beliefs about the friendzone are distorted insofar as people believe it is more commonly experienced, and more gendered, than is evident from first-person accounts; (d) men’s belief in the degree to which the friendzone is gendered are more exaggerated than women’s; and (e) though sexist vi ideology is not associated with beliefs about the frequency of friendzone experiences, it is associated with beliefs that women are causally responsible for them. The implications of these findings for research, the public and feminist discourse of the friendzone, perceptions of cross-sex friendships, and methodological limitations are discussed.